Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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