And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
