we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
