I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
