you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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