I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
