Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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