All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
