so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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