I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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