if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
