We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.