someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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