you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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