kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
