um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
