I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
