why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
