Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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