i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
