He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
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