so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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