So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
