He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
