it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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