Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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