i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
