Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
