so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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