I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
