Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize