So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
