My vagina just recognized that song.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
