we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
