I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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