I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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