Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
