It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
