A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
