I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
