i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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