weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
What a dumb baby whore.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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