Someone shit on the floor
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
