you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
