Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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