If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
