did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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