Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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