I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
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Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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