I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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