Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
