insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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