You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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