Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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