And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
dude. I can hear the air.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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