It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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