i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
