actually, I'm a sock model
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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