We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
