dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
