people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
