Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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