mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
