Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
